Cal and I were seen as "the perfect couple" on the outside but little did anyone know how controlling and violent Cal was. I tried to end the relationship more times than I could count but Cal would never let me leave – he always said that I was his and no one else could ever love me or would even want to love me. I guess after hearing it so many times I began to believe it.

After I graduated high school, Cal and his parents insisted that I attend Stanford so Cal and I could stay together. Since Freshmen are suppose to live on campus, his parents paid for my dorm room but said "that it would be best if I stayed at Cal's apartment", which of course, they paid for. The first day I moved into my dorm, Cal made sure he was by my side to meet everyone that was there. He had to make his first impression. I went into my room and my roommate was already there decorating the place.

"Oh I hope you don't mind," she said, "I just had a few pictures and stuff I wanted to put up. By the way, I'm Amber."
"Hi, I'm Rhonda. Those are pretty cool pictures."

I could tell by the look on Cal's face that he didn't like Amber from the beginning. Cal thought she had too much of a wild side and that she would "rub off" on me. I liked her – and maybe part of it was because I could sense that Cal didn't.

Amber and I got along well even though we didn't see each other very much that year. When I wasn't in a class, Cal insisted that I stay with him. One weekend Cal was supposed to go on a skiing trip with some of his fraternity brothers. Since I had finals that I needed to study for, Cal let me stay home that weekend. I studied all day Friday and Saturday – and only took a break to eat or sleep. Amber came home from work around 10:00 Saturday night and suggested that we go out and enjoy what was left of the night. I, of course, was reluctant but Amber was persistent like she usually is and talked me into going out to a club, just for an hour or so.

We went to this new place, Tommy's, and put down a couple of drinks. Not too long after that we kicked off our shoes and were on the dance floor. We were joined by a bunch of guys – Amber's dancing probably grabbed their attention – and danced the night away. I never once glanced at the time – I was having too much fun. The club closed and we decided to head home. After all, I had been studying for two days and Amber had just worked a double-shift. We waved goodbye to our new friends and headed over to Amber's car. I was about to open my door when someone grabbed me and threw me against the car. It was Cal!

"Aren't you suppose to be studying?" he asked as he squeezed my arms.
"I was studying but I needed a break. We just wanted to get out of the room for a little while."

Cal seemed uninterested in anything I had to say. He just demanded that I get into his car and said "we'll talk about it" at his place. Amber just stood there in shock. She mouthed the words "I'm so sorry" and I tried to give her a smile to let her know that it wasn't her fault.

The car ride to Cal's was a silent one. The more silent it was, the angrier he seemed to get. I've seen him angry before and it was never a good sign for me. Cal getting angry usually meant a lot of yelling, some things being thrown around, bruises on me and then Cal apologizing the next day with pink roses. This time, it was much worse.

We got to Cal's apartment and he slammed the door shut. I cringed in fear at what was about to come. The yelling started and he threw things around. I tried to calm him down and explain that we just went out for a little bit but he didn't want to hear any of it.

"How dare you go out to hook up with a bunch of guys with your slut girlfriend! You are my girl and no one else will ever treat you the way that I do!"

"Cal – I didn't know any of those guys. They were …" I didn't even have time to explain when I felt his hand across the side of my face. Cal has hit me before but this time he knocked me down to the ground. "Honey, I'm sorry – I don't know what I was thinking." I tried my best to come up with the right words that would make him stop, but he didn't. I lay on the ground hardly able to move because he kicked my ribs so much that I couldn't breath. I saw him dig into the hallway closet and heard him mumble something like "we'll see who is going to score tonight" as he brought out his baseball bat.

Cal started to walk towards me with his baseball bat in his hands and fire raging in his eyes. I struggled to get up and headed upstairs to the bathroom. The bathroom was my only safe haven. It was the only room in Cal's apartment that had a lock – and I was usually able to stay in there long enough for him to cool down. Little did I know, he changed the handle and there was no longer a lock on the door. Cal kicked the door open and laughed at me, "And you thought you would be safe in here."

I began to weep. I didn't know what he was going to do to me. He grabbed me by the hair and pulled me out of the bathroom towards the bedroom. Cal always thought that sex should be my way of saying I'm sorry to him. I tried to pull away from him but he slammed me against the wall and pressed the bat against my throat.

"Haven't you figured out how this relationship works yet? You do what I tell you to do, when I tell you to do it, and you don't fight about it. Got it?"
I shook my head yes and began to cry even harder. Cal lowered the bat from my throat and took my hand to lead me into the bedroom. I heard this little voice inside of me say "Run – this will be your only chance." I quickly pulled away from Cal and ran as fast as I could towards the stairs, unfortunately it wasn't fast enough.

Cal grabbed me and we fell down a couple of the stairs. I kicked him, I punched him, and did everything I could think of to get away from him. But he was so much bigger than I was and he laughed at my efforts. "So you want to put up a fight huh?" Cal began to hit my already sore ribs with the bat. I gasped for air and cringed in pain. After what seemed to be hours, but I'm sure was only a few minutes, the telephone rang. He threw down the bat and walked over to the telephone.

"Yeah mom – I'm fine. The skiing trip got cut short – a couple of the guys wanted to get back early to study for finals…yeah, okay, I'll see you tomorrow morning."
I was almost to my feet and had managed to get down two stairs when Cal turned around. "You want to go downstairs?" he yelled, "Here, let me help you." Cal threw me off of the landing and onto the end table below.

I'm not exactly sure what happened after that. When I woke the next morning, I had dried blood along my face and shooting pains all over my body. I glanced around the apartment waiting for Cal to appear. I'm sure he would act like nothing happened – that's usually what he did. But he wasn't there. It took every ounce of energy just to sit up. I tried to call out his name but only whispers came out. I lay back down on the floor recalling the horror of the previous night. "I should have just stayed home," I thought to myself, "If I only hadn't made him so angry."

Just then the telephone rang and nearly gave me a heart attack. I crawled over and answered it maybe it was Cal calling to say he was sorry. "Hello?"
"Oh my god Rhonda I was so worried about you! Are you okay?" Amber asked.
One half of me was relieved that it was her and the other was worried that Cal would find me on the telephone. I put on my best pretend voice and said "Yeah Amber, everything is okay." She knew that it wasn't. She said that she would be right over to pick me up. Before I could tell her no, she hung up. "Great," I thought, "Amber is going to show up at the same time as Cal and he's going to hit the fan again."

I struggled to get up and tried to pick up some of the broken wood from the end table. When I bent over, shooting ran through my lungs and I blacked out. I guess I was out for about 20 minutes or so. That's usually how long it takes to get from my place to Cal's. I heard a banging on the door – it was Amber.

"Rhon!! Rhon!! Honey open up the door!!!" she banged on the door.
I struggled to get up and opened the door. I wanted to get her in the apartment before one of the neighbors heard her. "Amber, you shouldn't have come here."
"Oh my god – what did he do to you??"
"You have to leave before he gets back."
"I'm not leaving without you! Come on woman! Think!!"
I broke down into tears – I have thought about it. I've thought about it more than any woman should. Amber looked around the apartment. "Where's your stuff?" she asked.
"My stuff?"
"Yeah – clothes, purse, anything here that is yours." She looked around and noticed some things that were mine. She picked them up and looked around for something to put them in. She helped me to the elevator and out to the car. The ride home was quiet.

"Why don't you come home with me for the summer?" Amber asked.
"What are you talking about?"
"This is finals week and after finals I'm going home to New York for the summer. I want you to come stay with me – at least tell me you'll think about it."
"Okay – I'll think about it," I said but the only thing I could think about was how lucky I was to be alive.

When Amber and I got back to our dorm and there was a message on the machine from Cal. He did his normal "I'm sorry" routine and how much he loved me. Amber couldn't take listening to it and erased it.
"You're definitely coming to New York with me this summer. I'm not leaving you alone here with him. You could stay with me and my parents. I could probably even get you a job with me. You have to get away from him."
"I know I do and I've tried…"
"Well this time you have me to help you."

With Amber's help, I was able to avoid Cal until finals were over. She dodged all of his telephone calls, threw out the pink roses that he sent and had security stop him from getting into our building. I don't know how she did it but it worked. The last day of school we packed up Amber's car and headed off towards New York. I never had anyone that I could talk to about Cal. Everyone I knew, I knew through Cal. I had no family and no friends of my own. As Amber and I drove across the country, I told her everything about Cal and she swore that she wouldn't tell anyone. I wanted to leave Cal in California and start something new in New York…

By the time I got to this point of the story, the container of ice cream was gone and Howie and I went through an entire box of Kleenex. There were only a few people that new about that night with Cal – Amber, my friend Missy, a few police officers and investigators over the years and now Howie. Even though telling him was difficult, I was relieved to tell him my secret – well, at least part of it.

"I …I…I don't know what to say," Howie said. I could tell that he wanted to find something to say that would make all my pains go away. "How could … how could anyone do that to someone? How could he have done that…to you?"
I shook my head. Now I was the one who didn't know what to say.
"You do know that I would never be able to do anything like that right? I mean, would never even think about doing that to you." He still searched for the right words to say.
"I know you wouldn't, you couldn't and I know that's one of the many reasons I love you Howie. I feel safe with you. I know I'm safe with you."
Howie jumped out of bed and starting looking through my nightstand for a pen and some paper.
"What are you doing??" I asked.
"You'll see," he said with one of his million dollar smiles. "Okay I'm ready." Howie began to write and write and write, smiling the whole time. He wouldn't let me read what he was writing. He finally finished and looked over his work quite proudly. "Here you go," he said as he handed me the paper. It read:

Howard D. Dorough, promise you as a lover and a friend to:

Love you from the bottom of my heart;
Never let anyone or anything ever hurt you;
Hold you in my arms and make you feel safe and sound;
Make you smile at least 10 times a day;
Tell you I love you until you're sick of hearing it (I hope that is never);
Make you breakfast in bed at least twice a week;
Buy you roses (not pink ones) even if its not a holiday or special occasion;
To hold you in my arms until you fall asleep (sorry but this one can only be when I'm in town cause it will be hard to do if I'm in another state);
Never make you cry sad tears – only happy tears are allowed around me;
Eat ice cream with you if you happen to cry sad tears;
Replace all of your bad memories with new, improved "Happy Howie Memories";
And to love you 'til death do us part.

All my love,

Howie

"Remember what our song says 'I never make a promise I don't intend to keep, So when I say forever, forever's what I mean'," Howie tried his best to sing it with a country accent, "and I promise you all of this."
I couldn't help but smile.
"There – that's one smile so far for the day. Only nine more to go."
"Okay then where's my breakfast in bed?"
"Umm - I'll be back in a few. Why don't you lay down for a little bit. It's been a long night." Howie got up from the bed, gave me a kiss, tucked me into bed and head to the kitchen.