The Beginning - Rhonda's View

It was the crack of dawn as I took a sip of coffee and looked out at the world from the balcony of my new place. It wasn't only a new day, but a new day in my new life. I took a deep breath of the cool Florida air and breathed a sigh of relief – my new life.

I turned around and went back inside of my apartment. "Where do I begin?" I looked around at the boxes that the movers had thrown inside of my place and the radio on the floor. "Well, I can't exactly unpack without some tunes," I said to myself. Not thinking that it was 7:00 in the morning, I hit play on the CD player and suddenly James Hetfield's voice came bellowing from the stereo and began to shake the walls. I opened up the nearest box and began to unpack.

Knock, knock, knock… "Oh shit," I forgot that I was living in an apartment. I immediately turned down the stereo and jumped up to answer the door. "I'm so sorry," I said before I could even see who was at the door. "Sorry for what?" asked the puzzled guy at the door. "For the radio being loud – that is why you're knocking, right?" "Um, actually no – see I'm dog sitting for my friend who lives next door, and well, his dog scared my cat and she's on your balcony." I turned around to see a petrified white cat on my balcony – hey you would be petrified too if you were on the 10th floor! "Um, would you mind getting her for me?" he asked.

I smiled and said, "Actually yes I would – I'm allergic to cats and if I touch her, I'm going to regret it all day". "Oh, well then would you mind if I came in to get her?" "Sorry, but I'm not suppose to let strangers in," I said as I batted my eyes at him. I can't believe that I was flirting with this guy who just showed up at my door – this was something that I have never done before. But then again, it was my new life. "My name is Howie – so there, I'm not a stranger anymore." "Okay Howie, I guess since you're not a stranger, you can come in and get your cat." Howie smiled and walked into my apartment.

My stomach did flips as he walked past me and towards the balcony. I looked out the door to make sure no one was out there – just a habit after all these years I guess – and shut the door. Howie went over to the balcony and coaxed his cat into coming over to him. She was shaking so badly but Howie's gentle touch seemed to calm her down.

"Thanks for letting me get Missy," he said, "I guess Vegas really scared her." "That's okay – I'm glad I could help." She was cute, even for a cat. "Well let me officially introduce you to my cat Missy. Missy this is ... I'm sorry, I didn't get your name." The question threw me for a second – my name, my name, what is my name? I looked up at him and said, "Rhonda, my name is Rhonda."

Howie looked around my apartment and realized that he interrupted my unpacking project. "I'm so sorry," he said, "I didn't mean to bother you while you're unpacking. I'm just going to take Missy back over to my friend's place." I held my breath as he slowly walked towards the door. "Actually…," I seemed to startle him, "I could use a hand moving some of this furniture around. The movers just plopped it down in the living room." Howie smiled at the suggestion, "Okay – let me put Missy next door and I'll be right back."

"I can't believe I just did that," I thought to myself. Am I insane? How on earth can I be thinking about some guy after what I've been through? What if he starts asking questions about me and about my past? Oh, god – what was my name again? The knock at the door scared me.

I opened the door and couldn't help but smile when I saw Howie again. He changed into a pair of jeans and a t-shirt. "I thought I would get into the spirit of unpacking," he said as he looked down at my jeans and t-shirt. I don't know how he did it, but he kept making me smile and for a little while, I forgot about my past.

We started in the kitchen. I figured that is the best room to start with – how much can he learn about me by putting away my dishes? I tried to ask him most of the questions and when he would ask me questions, I was pretty successful at changing the subject or turning it into a question for him to answer. I was ready to start my new life, but I wasn't ready to answer questions about my old life.

We talked for hours and of course, it was mostly about him. But during the talking we did seem to get my entire apartment unpacked. Wow – I can't believe that we spent an entire 12 hours unpacking, and talking. "Well, I guess we're done," he said. "Yeah, I guess I don't have as much stuff as I thought I did." I was almost disappointed to be done – I wanted to spend more time with him. "How about dinner?" Howie asked with a nervous tone in his voice, "You can't tell me you don't have anything to wear cause we just unpacked everything." I think Howie sensed my hesitation but was relieved when I finally got out "Okay, dinner would be nice."

We agreed to meet in the lobby of the apartment in one hour. One hour to get ready – could I do that? I never took that long to get ready – hell, I don't remember the last time I went out to dinner with someone else. I was always afraid that Cal would find me. Cal – the thought of his name made my stomach ache. No – I wasn't going to let Cal hurt me anymore. He has made the last 8 years of my life a living hell and I wasn't about to let him have one more day. I went to my closet, picked out my "best dress" and headed off into the shower.

*** Okay so I took an extra ten minutes to get ready – I hoped that Howie was waiting for me. I pushed the button for the elevator and of course the stupid thing took forever to get there. As the doors opened, I saw a huge bouquet of white roses and Howie standing there with one of his ear to ear smiles. "I was hoping that you were just running a few minutes behind," he said. "Yeah, well I'm a woman what did you expect?" "Oh, these are for you" he said as he handed me the beautiful white roses. "While we were unpacking I noticed you had a vase, and well, it seemed pretty empty."

It was too long since someone bought me flowers that I wanted to keep and wasn't even sure what to do with them. "Aren't you suppose to cut the stems or something?" I asked. "Don't worry, I had the guy at the flower shop do all of that. He said just to stick them in the vase with some water and the powered stuff." It sounded pretty good to me. I put the roses into the vase, put them on my kitchen table and took a moment to stop and smell them.

"So where are we going to dinner?" asked Howie. "Beats me – I'm new in town remember?" "Okay, well how about we just jump in my car and drive until I can think of a place." We drove around Orlando with Howie pointing out some 'must see' attractions and mentioning how he would like to take me there. I just smiled at the thought of spending more time with him.

"Okay – we're here." I looked up and saw that we were outside of a tiny restaurant. I was skeptical at first, but Howie convinced me that this place had some of the best food in the world. We walked into the diner and were immediately welcomed by an older woman who hugged Howie the instant he walked into the door. "Sorry, but I come here a lot. This place has the second best food in the world – second only to my mom of course," he said as he winked at the hostess. "Usual table Howie?" "Of course," he replied. Francine, the hostess, led us over to a table towards the back of the restaurant. The restaurant was less than half full so our waitress, Alice, came over to our table as soon as we sat down. "Hey Howie! How are you doing this fine evening?" "Pretty good Alice. How are the grandkids?" "Fine – they love the new CD. Thanks so much! Are you ordering the usual tonight Howie?" Howie just smiled and Alice knew what that meant. "And for you dear?" I hadn't had a chance to glance over the menu so I said, "I'll have the same thing."

Howie and I talked throughout dinner and I was very surprised on how much I told him about myself. I found it very easy to talk to him and almost wanted to tell him every detail of my past – but of course, I didn't. This guy would be quite a catch – I don't want to send him off screaming in horror if I told him about my life. So I decided to fill him in on the general stuff in my life. I told him how I grew up in Cleveland and was raised by my maternal grandmother because my parents were so young when I was born. I skipped most of my childhood details and briefly told him of my living in California during my high school and college days and have moved around the country since then. All of these were true – there were just some details that I left out.

I almost told Howie about Cal, but caught myself before spilling my guts out. I couldn't believe that I wanted to tell him about Cal – there was this uncontrollable urge to share everything with Howie. But I couldn't explain Cal and I didn't want to explain Cal. Cal was out of my life forever and I didn't want any thoughts of him creeping into my new life. Especially since I could see Howie as being a part of my new life.

*** Howie and I spent a lot of time together over the next couple of weeks when he gave me the sad news –his band's break was over and he had to go back out on the road. My heart was crushed. I couldn't believe that I could fall so hard for someone so quickly. It was something that I have never done before. I usually never trusted anyone or let anyone get close to me – all because of Cal. But Howie was different. He was gentle and warm. He had these eyes that were comforting yet intense. When I was having a bad day, he would show up at my door with a smile and the world seemed right again.

Over the next few months while he was on tour, Howie and I talked daily whether it was over the telephone or through the computer. He even flew me to see some of his shows and would occasionally fly home if he had a weekend off. Sure it wasn't the same as having him there with me, but it did let me open up to him more than I had to any other person. He always seemed to understand and know the right words to say to make things right. One night when he was home on a break, I was comfortable enough to fill him in on minor details of Cal.

I told Howie how I moved to California when I was 16 because my grandmother passed away. Cal was the first person I met there. Cal's parents owned a real estate investment company and Cal was checking on the office staff of an apartment building the day I walked in the door. He knew I was underage, but he talked the apartment manager into giving me an apartment right there on the spot. In a way, I guess I owed him one.

Cal was three years older than I was and about to start his sophomore year at Stanford. He was the typical born-with-a-silver-spoon-in-my-mouth kind of guy. Cal had the nice car, the nice clothes, and the image of being a perfect gentleman – but why would he fall for me? I was nothing compared to the girls that he knew. I was 16 and living in a tiny apartment – he was in college and lived in a huge mansion. We were from two different worlds but he seemed determined for us to be together. He always said, "it's just the way it's suppose to be."

I explained to Howie that Cal was a very jealous guy with a short temper. I guess I the tone of my voice changed when I mentioned that because Howie said that I didn't have to tell him anything I'm not ready to. I explained that Cal and I broke up and it was hard for Cal to accept that we were no longer together after being together a couple of years. Howie didn't question any of it. In fact, Howie didn't ask anymore questions about Cal. As far as Howie was concerned, Cal and I had a relationship and it was a bad break-up. That's all that Howie needed to know for now. When the time was right, I would tell him the rest.

"Baby – I would never do anything that would hurt you. You do know that right? I could never hurt you because I love you." Tears filled my eyes when he said that because I knew that he meant it. "Yeah I know. You're so wonderful Howie – I love you too." That was the first time Howie and I said "I love you" to each other and the first time in years that I actually felt loved.